Zero Negativity | Ant Middleton

This book will not tell you who to be, where you should live, or what job you should do. That’s up to you. What this book is for, however, is to give you the tools you need to become the best possible version of yourself, to own who and what you are, and to live your life with Zero Negativity. Here is a good read with great insights and mindsets to follow from Ant Middleton. Interesting to have his wife's input on this one as well and goes to show that it's not all for the book, the man completely lives by what he writes. Here are my key take-aways:

INTRODUCTION: BULLETPROOF

The skill is not to overthink it or to overload yourself with more information than necessary. You need to stay nimble; you’ve got to be able to think on your feet. If you’ve absorbed too many details, your thinking will be rigid, undynamic. As Mike Tyson once said: ‘Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.’ When the shit hits the fan – as it inevitably will at some point – I know that I still have the foundations of the mission in my head.

Negativity is the thing that, maybe more than any other factor, will put a limit on your ability to be the best version of yourself you can be.

The good news is that you’re not doomed to negativity. There’s a way out. Everybody can train themselves to think positively and tackle negative situations with a positive mindset. It just takes a concerted effort. You may not feel positive all the time – nobody does – and yet eventually you reach a point where you’re automatically tackling every situation with a positive mindset. It takes time and it requires brutal honesty, but it’s worth it. While I’d never say that you’ll be invincible, I guarantee that not much will faze you.

CHAPTER 1: I KNOW WHO I AM

If I couldn’t change the situation, I could change the way I perceived it.

The moment you start fighting against it rather than looking for opportunities, that’s the moment you start to go under.

There’s no trait more positive than believing in your own abilities. If you’re good at something, then celebrate it. The confidence you gain from knowing that you have a particular skill, or excel at a particular sport, or are just adept at getting on with people, is a tangible force; it infuses everything you do, makes you more decisive, your movements more sure. The more confident you are in what you can do, the more likely you are to succeed.

Knowing my strengths, and being confident in them, made me a better soldier.

By contrast, if you’re plagued by doubts and don’t have faith in yourself, the chances are that things will go wrong.

If you’re honest with yourself, you can be honest with other people and about the situations you find yourself in. If you’re honest about the situation, you’ll be able to identify whether it’s a positive or negative. When you’re able to identify something as a negative situation, you should also be able to step back long enough to realise that the only way to deal with it is with a positive mindset.

If you don’t challenge your weaknesses, how will you ever find out whether it’s possible to turn them into strengths? You don’t want to be one of those people who just do what they’re good at until the day they die.

The voices in your head are only saying what you already know. You don’t have another being living inside you; it’s you, and you’re the only person who can change the script that voice is reading from.

Take time to work out what you really want from life. It’s by looking inside yourself, interrogating your priorities, really examining your ambitions, that you’ll find your positive motivator. Above all, you have to be honest with yourself. Success for some people is a big house and a nice car. However, you should be wary of reducing your positive motivator to a shopping list. The material things that have come my way are great, and I appreciate them; it’s just that I see them as the by-products of success rather than an end in themselves. Do you really want the sole aim of your existence to be acquiring a new Mercedes?

Will that provide you with the fulfilment you need? Only you can answer that question.

Positive people are hungry to discover themselves. They know that there are no shortcuts and that it’s only when you start to make the most of yourself that you’ll also be making the most of life.

Once you’ve identified your strengths, make the most of them. They’re a source of positive energy, so don’t let them go to waste. No good ever came from hiding your talents away.

The people who love you will offer you constructive criticism. Make sure you listen to it.

Learn to treat your conscience as an important guide. Especially when that little voice is telling you things you don’t want to hear.

Find your positive motivator. It’s the single most important element in helping you survive negative situations unscathed.

If a weakness is stopping you from achieving something important to you, work ruthlessly to fix it. But remember that not all weaknesses need to be worked on.

CHAPTER 2: TEAR THE MOULD AWAY

Looking back on my own experiences, which still seem so close to me even now, the thing that’s clearest to me is the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people, and of finding the right space in which you can do all of that growing up.

When I’m having a shit day and I feel down, I take a step back and think about the people that are most important to me in my life. There are about five. I only need to bring one of them to mind and it puts a smile on my face. Do you know why? I know that if everything came crumbling down around me, their positivity would lift me back up. It’s not that they could lend me money or get me a job. It’s their positive energy. I know that they want me to be more and more successful.

Focus on what you can fix, and don’t let what’s out of your grasp weigh down on you.

If you’re in a negative environment, get out of there. No good will come of staying put. All you’ll be doing is absorbing negativity yourself.

We’re all energy sources. Some people radiate positive energy, others blast out negativity. Make sure you surround yourself with the most positive individuals you can.

Stay away from vampires. When you meet someone, ask yourself if they’re really interested in helping you become the best possible version of yourself, or whether they want to bring you down to their level.

Grab inspiration from positive people whenever you can. It doesn’t matter if they’re your wife, or somebody you’ve only seen from across a room. Why deprive yourself of the chance to add another positive tool to your armoury?

Other people’s negativity is their problem, not yours. Don’t let them load you up with their bad vibes.

CHAPTER 3: KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS

Ultimately, you can’t force relationships; you have to build them. If there’s no trust there, it’s probably not going to work.

When you know how to socialise and connect with other people, you’ll find that opportunities will present themselves.

If you go around exuding positivity, you’ll very soon find that positivity bouncing back at you. The nicer you are to people, the nicer they are back to you. It sounds obvious, but people get so wrapped up in the fact that they’re late for their meeting, or that their morning has got off to a bad start, that they forget.

Positivity isn’t a limited resource; being kind and friendly is like an engine that creates more of the same.

When people confront you with negativity, don’t be tempted to throw negativity back at them. Overwhelm them with positivity and you’ll knock them off balance.

Sociability is a massively undervalued skill. Being able to get on with people is such a

valuable tool to have in your locker, so work hard to make sure you’re the sort of person other people want to be around. It will be worth it.

Cultivate your empathetic side. Being able to see things from another person’s perspective is a massive advantage when you’re trying to form a positive connection with them.

Sometimes the most positive thing you can do is say no. Saying no can be a positive affirmation of your instincts, the best way of furthering or preserving your interests. Other people might see it as a negative, but it’s up to you to really determine its nature.

CHAPTER 4: KEEP IT SIMPLE

We fail in the same way as we breathe air. It’s just part of life.

My attitude was: if you live by the sword, you should expect to die by the sword.

Stay out of the grey zone. If you keep things black and white, your life will be so much more straightforward, and everything that happens to you will be easier to process.

Not all questions need to be answered. In fact, not all questions need to be posed. Don’t

get lost in overthinking situations. Learn what you need from them and move on.

Actions have consequences. If you aren’t willing to take responsibility for what you’re about to do or say, maybe it’s time to think again.

Strip your life down to the essentials and try to work out what’s most important to you. It could be your family, or your career, or a particular passion. If there’s anything obstructing or complicating your priorities, you should consider cutting it away.

Decisions are only as hard as you make them. Focus on what’s essential. Don’t get sidetracked by distractions.

CHAPTER 5: CHANGE OR DIE

You have to think about your mistakes, because nobody else will. Do the hard yards. It’s 100 per cent on you to work out that problem. But when you do, you’ll know what you need to do to change. The harder you fall, the harder you’ll have to work to flip yourself back up.

Change shakes the world around you up. Most of the time you can’t stop that process, but you can make sure that you’re on hand to pick up all of the positives that emerge. Learn to see change as a process that opens up new spaces for you to dive into.

Don’t be afraid of cutting ties. We get too attached to some things that, when we’ve got the time and space to really reflect on them, we find were actually holding us back.

Change offers you the chance to diversify your thinking. It’s another route to becoming the best version of yourself you can be.

It’s OK to hit rock bottom. If I didn’t have negativity in my life, I wouldn’t know what positivity was. If you’re not willing to plunge into fear, or uncertainty, you won’t reap the rewards of coming out the other side.

When somebody tells you that you’ve changed, take it as a compliment. Personal change is always possible. You’re not condemned to behave in a particular way for the rest of your life. Embrace change as a liberation, and make sure you carry on trying to change until the day that you die.

CHAPTER 6: MAKE MANY PLATFORMS

It’s not always clear which of the opportunities you encounter are the ones that are going to help lift you up to the stratosphere, and which are going to lead you down a cul-de-sac.

If someone at work has been given a promotion that you thought you deserved, envy makes it too easy to avoid being honest with yourself. Instead of lashing out, ask yourself what they were doing that you weren’t. You might not like the answer you get, but if you’re willing to learn from the experience, you’ll soon find a way of turning that negative into a positive.

Envy also leads to greed, which distorts your motives. It makes you willing to do anything for material gain. Instead of doing good things to attain a good goal, you’ll be doing bad things to attain a bad goal. Your aim should be to become the best version of yourself. If you achieve this, then it’s likely that material gain will follow.

Approach the world as a positive place. Don’t fall into the trap of seeing it as aggressive and intimidating. The more you treat it as an environment that, sure, might have challenges, but is essentially welcoming and full of opportunities, the more you’ll get out of life.

Overnight success is a false dream. Don’t waste your existence waiting for that ‘big’ opportunity you think will come along and transform your life. What if it doesn’t come? What if you don’t recognise it when it does?

Move on, make new platforms. The moment you miss an opportunity is also the last minute you should ever think about that particular opportunity.

You can’t just wait for opportunities to come to you. Go out into the world, meet people, do things. You’ll be surprised what turns up.

Jealousy is the most negative of all the emotions. It’ll tear up your life and make a mess of your priorities. Resist it with every bone in your body.

CHAPTER 7: YOU’VE GOT TO GO THROUGH THIS

The only way you can recognise your limitations is if you’ve tripped over them and fallen flat on your face.

If you don’t commit, you’re never going to learn about yourself. It doesn’t matter if you don’t get to where you were planning to go; what’s important is building up all of those small, bankable moments of exposure. Next time a similar opportunity comes along, guess what? You won’t be starting from the beginning anymore. All those bankable moments mean you’re already halfway there.

No matter how much you love your career, there will always be negative elements that you can’t avoid. If you want to carry on doing that job, you need to find a way of overcoming them. In this case I did it by volunteering for every piece to camera that came up. Adverts, endorsements, fanbase stuff. Even now I still get a bit uncomfortable, but it gets better every time.

If there’s something that intimidates or unsettles you, throw yourself at it. The more you engage with it, the more you’ll strip it of its fearful attributes. What once had been a negative in your life will instead become a positive, one that might open up new avenues.

Every single one of us is a problem-solver. But so much of life today is engineered to make things easier and safer for us, and in the process we’ve become less and less adept at solving problems. It’s like a muscle that’s wasted away.

You might have twenty problems in a day and only find eight answers. Fine, work on those answers. When you know what your limitations are, you can challenge them. It’s like hitting a golf ball. The more you hit it, the more you know about the ball, your club, your swing. Something eventually just clicks into place.

Small things make a big difference. Small steps add up to a big leap. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can race from a standing start to top speed in one bound.

Until you’re willing to enter that commitment phase, you’ll never get anywhere. Be brave and remember that people who never make mistakes never make anything. Learn to see failure as an engine of positive growth.

Never forget that we’re a problem-solving animal. Don’t let that muscle wither away. Work it, and you’ll reap amazing rewards.

Very few people know what, or even who, they want to be until later on in life. You’ll

only work this out through trial and error. Get out there, try things, make mistakes, and then challenge everything you do.

Examine your successes and failures with the same energy. No experience is wasted if you tackle every situation with a positive mindset.

CHAPTER 8: BE A SHEPHERD NOT A SHEEP

When you’re in a shitty situation, it’s far better to be a shepherd than a sheep.

My early experience of loss and dislocation taught me one very valuable lesson: life can change with the flick of a switch. One minute you’re standing there, the next minute you’re not. One minute this person is part of your life, the next they’ve been hit by a fucking bus.

Shit happens, get on with it. I take each lesson, each experience, as it comes.

You can’t always change your environment. You can, however, change the way you perceive it. If you’re able to control your emotions, you’ll ensure that it’s you defining the situation you’re in rather than the situation defining you.

Every situation has a positive seed in it. It doesn’t matter how negative it might seem at first glance, if you’re willing to put the work in, you’ll always find the positive.

Doing something, no matter how small, is always better than doing nothing. When you’re acting, you’re refusing to allow the situation to define you. You’ve started to define that situation.

Negativity is a fact of life. We all have negative emotions, we all find ourselves in negative situations. But you can learn to harness this negative energy and use it in a positive direction.

Don’t let negative elements in your past stop you from having a positive future. Acknowledge the bad things you’ve done or experienced, but remember they only represent a tiny percentage of who you really are.

Fashions in behaviour and values come and go. Stay true to your own beliefs and don’t give in to the pressure to conform.

CHAPTER 9: GIVE THEM ENOUGH ROPE

Leaders should also be teachers. Create a safe space in which those you’re leading can fail, learn and pick themselves up again. Give them enough rope to let them feel free, but not so much that they hang themselves.

Expose your weaknesses as well as your strengths. Unless you’re willing to do this, you can’t make a positive contribution in a team environment. Recognise that you can’t do everything yourself, and open yourself up to inspiration from those around you.

We’ve all got different flames. You can’t tell your children what sort of flame they’re going to carry through life, but you can help spark and then nurture the flame inside them.

Positive parenting isn’t about telling your children what to do. It’s about showing them. Kids don’t listen to lectures, but if you set them a positive example by carrying yourself in the right way, treating others well and acting with integrity, they’ll absorb those values almost without realising it. The same is true of leadership. Be a leader not a boss.

Kids should be kids and adults should be adults. Your job as a parent is to protect your child, not to be a child yourself.