Perhaps so far you haven’t been that fortunate at work. Most people aren’t. You may be stuck with a boss who constantly criticizes you, is a control freak, micromanager, or just plain jerk.
No matter
what you do or where you earn your living, your work can be either a dream job
or a nightmare. It’s all up to you.
What’s the
Number One Skill You Need? You guessed it: whether it’s online or in person,
it’s the rare ability to communicate effectively with everyone in your place of
employment. I’m not just talking about regular communication skills, the kind
people need to get along in everyday life. I’m talking about specific
techniques necessary for success on the job.
It’s the
people we work with that make our jobs gratifying or grueling.
You must
learn how to recover from slips, avoid the traps, and get on with the business
of being valuable to your company, your family, your friends, and most of all
yourself. Happily, the way to achieve this goal is to make smooth moves in five
crucial categories which I call the “Five Cs.”
Confidence
If you don’t have confidence in yourself, how
can you expect others to? In this section you’ll find ways to gently show everyone
that you are 100 percent self-assured from the moment you meet them and
throughout your working relationship.
Caring
“People don’t care how much you know until
they know how much you care”
Clarity
At work, you can’t leave clear communication
to chance. The stakes are too high! When explaining something to a colleague,
have you been tempted to scream, “I know you believe you understand what you
think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what how much you care” should
be gospel in the workplace. Sadly, it seldom is. Here you’ll find ways to
convince everyone at work that you sincerely care about them and the company.
Credibility
Speaking without credibility is like talking
to the wind. Your words are worthless, and no one will listen if they don’t
believe you—and in you. In this section you’ll find techniques to win the trust
and respect of everyone you work with.
Coexistence
(with Cruel Bosses and Crazy Colleagues)
Wouldn’t work be great if it weren’t for the
people? Well, for the foreseeable future, flesh-and-blood human beings are here
to stay. We’ll tackle some of the most troublesome types and talk about how to
deal with them, so no one comes out emotionally or professionally destroyed.
And today, it’s even tougher because you must demonstrate these five crucial
success characteristics in a web-based world. Let’s get started!
LITTLE TRICK
#1
Your Daily Grand Entrance
I noticed
the well-regarded workers walked more spritely than the others. As they went
from one place to the next, they seemed to have a destination in mind and
appeared to be thinking about what they had to accomplish when they arrived.
LITTLE TRICK
#2
“I Know Where I’m Going” Gait
Keep your
destination in mind, an concentrate on what you will do when you get there.
Look directed. Look determined. Look dynamic!
LITTLE TRICK
#3
Make Your
Bubble Bigger
As soon as you get out of bed in the morning,
stand up straight, clasp and interlock both hands over your head, and stretch
your body to the right and to the left. Then extend your arms to their full
length and swing them around in big circles. Roll your hips, kick your legs,
and punch the air. Feel every inch of the big invisible bubble surrounding you
and know it’s all yours. Taking up more personal space puts you in a confident
mindset to meet the rest of your challenges that day.
LITTLE TRICK
#4
Doing Your In-House Elevator Speech
Starting today, put “meeting coworkers in other
departments” on your daily to-do list. When people you haven’t met in the
company ask what you do, give them a short description and sound upbeat. Sure,
you can include your official title, but make that just a part of the answer,
maybe at the end. When departments are discussing promotions and who they can
nab from other departments, you want your name to come to mind.
Some are
fortunate to be born with that calm, cheerful look on their faces at rest, and
others must work at it.
LITTLE TRICK
#5
The Serenity
Semi-Smile
When you’re not directly communicating with
each other (which is more than 90 percent of the time), coworkers still get an
impression of you. Make an effort to softly lift the corners of your mouth even
when you think no one is looking your way. It’s not really a smile, just a
serene and peaceful expression. You might put a reminder on your desk. Photos
of your kids or a loved one would be a good choice to give you that “sliver of
a smile.” But, hey, whatever works for you.
LITTLE TRICK
#6
Doorway to Confidence
Let every door you walk through remind you to
lift your head higher (as though you wanted your hair to brush the top of the
doorway.) And throw out your chest (as though you wanted it to go through
first.)
Turn every
doorway into your free physical trainer nudging you to stand taller. Before long,
it becomes natural to look like a winner at all times.
LITTLE TRICK
#7
Come Confidently Closer
Shrinking your distance from someone shows you
feel sure of yourself. Stepping closer is an excellent way to mask insecurity
or hostility, so, any time anyone at work intimidates or irritates you, just
smile slightly and step a tad closer. They’ll never know you’re afraid or
angry.
However, here is a big don’t. If a coworker
adjusts the distance between you by moving back, do not step closer, because
that’s encroaching on her space. And of course, if she steps nearer to you,
hold your ground. That’s her comfort zone. Everyone’s is different.
LITTLE TRICK
#8
Examine Their Distance Choice
If you want to know a coworker’s sentiments about
you or your words, take note of that individual’s habitual stance when talking
with others. Then compare it with how close he or she chooses to be to you.
Believe it or not, being sensitive to nuances like this can help you circumvent
negative workplace relationships.
Unfortunately,
impressive entrances, walking energetically, making larger movements,
maintaining a peaceful self-assured expression, standing or sitting tall, and
coming a tad closer don’t work in writing. So, how do you sound more confident
in your e-mail?
The list of
weak phrases to drop goes on— “This is “just a thought,” or “just a question,”
“Sorry to bother you,” “I might,” “I can’t,” “sort of,” “I’m wondering if.”
Well, you get the idea. Substitute all of them with something stronger.
LITTLE TRICK #9
Avoid Weakening Words
Avoid common phrases like “I’ll try,” “I
think,” “just” and the others we talked about. Also steer clear of the
self-belittling much overused past tense for something you still want or feel.
Above all, there’s no need to say “I’m sorry” when you’re not guilty of
anything. (We women do that far too often!)
LITTLE TRICK
#10
Stamp Out Superiority Signals
Always look in command and self-assured at work, but avoid thoughtless, overbearing gestures. Coming off as too cocksure of yourself can obstruct your climb up the ladder because employees resent those who act like they’re better than everyone else.
“People
don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
People’s
egos are as delicate as eggshells. You must have the talent of a blind ballet
dancer prancing on a stage strewn with these fragile shells, and not breaking
even one.
LITTLE TRICK
#11
The Slow Spillover Smile
Don’t smile too fast! Make it just as large,
but slow it down. Listen carefully to what the speaker is saying; then let a
smile envelop your face and engulf the recipient like a warm wave. Think of it
starting in your heart, traveling to your brain, and finally making it to your
lips. We’re talking here, but it makes a huge difference. People who smile too
fast look fake, and that’s worse than not smiling at all.
LITTLE TRICK
#12
Smile Amendment for Women
Especially those of you who are surrounded by
men on the job, avoid your instinct of smiling too soon, too big, too often.
Doling out lots of fast smiles doesn’t enhance your image as a top
professional. Save your lovely quick smiles for your friends, family, and the
kids.
LITTLE TRICK
#13
Quick Smiles Count, Too
Especially
in customer service! Sometimes there’s no time or no need for you to give the
slow spillover smile. For these occasions, a quick welcoming one at the
beginning, a few occasional ones during, and a goodbye smile at the end of a
short encounter make a world of difference. There’s something in it for you,
too. Customers and colleagues you barely know will treat you much better.
LITTLE TRICK
#14
The Torso Flashlight
Whenever you’re standing talking with someone,
do more than turn your head toward the person. Swivel your entire torso like
you have a bright flashlight shining out from your chest. Even at a conference
table, turn your torso slightly toward the speaker. Everyone you aim your beam
toward feels heard, understood, and appreciated, which is crucial to caring
communication.
LITTLE TRICK
#15
Prolong Your Praise
S-t-r-e-t-c-h out your compliment. A simple
sentence isn’t enough when a coworker or a report does something you’re
grateful for. Go for three sentences minimum! The melody of your protracted
praise is sweet music to their ears. Like making love, the longer it lasts, the
better it is!
LITTLE TRICK
#16
Make Your Compliment Count
Give your praise extra punch by choosing a moment
when you and the coworker are casually chatting with your boss. Then find a
smooth way to tell your superior about the fantastic job your coworker did.
Your well-timed kudos will thrill your colleague and make you look good in your
boss’s eyes, too.
LITTLE TRICK
#17
Lock Eyes
Whenever talking with coworkers, envision a
rubber band stretching between your eyeballs and theirs. When you must
occasionally look away, tug your eyes away slowly, reluctantly, as if you’re
having difficulty stretching the rubber band. Don’t forget to look thoughtful
and attentive during those occasional moments. Then quickly click your eyes
back to lock position with theirs as though you’re eagerly awaiting their next
words.
LITTLE TRICK
#18
Watch the Listeners
Occasionally take your eyes off the person who
is speaking and watch one or more of the other listeners. This gives the
impression you have a thorough understanding of the situation and are searching
for more subtleties to round out your knowledge. It also makes you look like an
evaluator judging other employees’ comprehension and reactions. A note of
caution: Don’t overdo it or it could look creepy!
LITTLE TRICK
#19
State Their Sentiments
Most people who are upset go on and on just to
get you to understand their agitation. Don’t overdo your sympathetic response
(as I’ve heard some people do, and it can be irritating), but by occasionally
stating their sentiment from what you observe, you’re already giving them what
they were after: Your understanding. Your sympathy. When you occasionally
comment on a colleague’s emotions, you create a bond and can make a quicker
escape. It also frees you up from having to offer an opinion on the situation,
which could open a can of worms for you.
LITTLE TRICK
#20
The
Hamburger Technique
Whenever you must criticize people you work
with, the first step is to give praise about something specific involving what
you must correct them on. Step two: Give ’em the meat, the behavior you want
them to change. Step three: End the session with more praise.
LITTLE TRICK
#21
Punch Up Your Points with Their Name
Use the recipient’s name to your advantage in
your e-mail messages. If you want a particular point to stand out in the middle
of your message, flag it by putting the person’s name right next to it. And you
can make all your office messages sound more personal and caring by using
people’s names as the last word of your e-mail. Just don’t overdo it. Writing
the recipient’s name once or twice in your message is enough.
LITTLE TRICK
#22
Put Up, Shut Up, or Speak Up
The next time you’re tempted to complain, stop
and think about it. Is there anything you could possibly do to alleviate the
situation? If so, do it now. And if your hands are tied, mention the problem to
your boss—not as a complaint but as an FYI. Be sure to have some suggested
resolutions to present at the same time.
LITTLE TRICK
#23
Take Care What You Share at Work
As corporate
communication becomes more virtual, flesh-and-blood relationships become all
the more precious, but be careful when it comes to confidentiality. Don’t share
secrets or talk about what you feel are your weaknesses. I’ve heard hundreds of
sad stories about the problems this has caused. Backstabbing and slander are
just the tip of the iceberg. Bonding is beautiful—but beware!
LITTLE TRICK
#24
“Do Not Touch”
Touch with
your smile, and touch with your warm words. But don’t touch with your bodies.
Imagine everyone you work with is wearing a “Do Not Touch” label. Other than a
friendly handshake on the job, save the warm friendship signals for friends who
don’t work at your company. Hands off at work.
LITTLE TRICK
#25
Be an Audiovisual Listener
Don’t just listen with your ears; listen with
your eyes as well. Turn them into imaginary cameras to create a theatrical production
of what you are both hearing and seeing. Not only do you “get the picture” more
clearly; you also remember it longer. And it’s fun, because your imagination is
working overtime.
LITTLE TRICK
#26
Be a
Simultaneous Translator
Silently paraphrase what the speaker is saying
in your own words, because you’ll understand more clearly and remember it
longer. You’ll also be less apt to interrupt or form premature judgments.
And, hey,
this one is fun, too. It even keeps you awake while listening to blowhards!
LITTLE TRICK
#27
Wait for Their “I Got It” Receipt
Silent receipts come in many forms—a slight
nod, a smile, or even an expression of understanding in the listener’s eyes. If
you get a quizzical look, a head tilt, an eye squint, a bemused frown, or the
all-too-common blank stare, don’t stop there. Explain further. Keep talking
until you are 100 percent sure your listeners grasped exactly what you were
saying. Keep your eyes on the listeners the entire time until you see that they
“got it.”
LITTLE TRICK
#28
Signal That
You Understand (or Don’t)
When a coworker is talking, the responsibility
for clearly communicating is yours as well. Your colleagues, reports, and
especially your boss, want to know if you’ve fully grasped what they’ve said—so
help them out! In addition to clarity, this technique also makes you seem a lot
smarter and reduces the possibility of later hearing, “It’s a communication
problem!
LITTLE TRICK
#29
Speak S-l-o-w-l-y for ESL Coworkers
At first, every foreign language sounds like gobbledygook.
When conversing with someone whose mother tongue isn’t English, slow your
speaking down to an almost exaggerated level. Not only will the person want to
communicate with you more, but there will be far fewer misunderstandings.
LITTLE TRICK
#30
Women,
Talking with a Male? Listen Like a Male!
Ladies, when conversing with a man at work,
switch to “guy-listening” style. If you nod to show you understand, he will
rightfully (in the male way of communicating) think you agree. Then when you
counter, he’ll think you’re inconsistent. I’ve heard men complain, “Women are
erratic. They’ll agree with you one minute and then change their minds.” To
avoid giving that impression, when talking with a man, listen like a man.
LITTLE TRICK
#31
Men, Talking with a Female? Listen Like a
Female!
When talking
with a woman at work, even if you don’t agree with her, signal that you
understand what she’s saying. A little nod goes a long way. Then, when she
finishes, tell her your position even if it’s diametrically opposed. At least
she’ll feel the two of you have communicated.
LITTLE TRICK
#32
Press for
Questions or Repetition
When talking to anybody about anything on the
job, you must make absolutely sure your listeners understand precisely what
you’re saying. To do this, encourage questions or have them tell you what they
think they heard. Make sure no one can blame a screw-up on “a communication
problem” in your department.
LITTLE TRICK
#33
The Stoplight Technique
Introduce the “Stoplight Technique” at your
company. I predict coworkers will appreciate it, especially bosses who feel
constantly frustrated by interruptions. Ask if they’d like you to use it with
them. I’ve never gotten a no, and you, too, will probably get an emphatic yes!
LITTLE TRICK
#34
The One-Minute Gag Rule
Set an
imaginary timer when you start talking, and no matter how interesting your
point, after one minute, invite someone else to get a word in. Look at one of
your listeners and ask, “Aaron, what do you think?” Or “Vanessa, what’s your
view on that?” In other words, when time’s up, hush up! If you make it a habit
to give the floor to others, your colleagues will be more apt to listen when
you start speaking again.
LITTLE TRICK
#35
Kick “But”
Avoid “but” by saying something pleasant and
supportive. Make it a whole sentence with a period at the end. Then couch
“however” in the middle of your next sentence. It makes the point that your
answer is really no, and it maintains goodwill. Subtleties like this add up,
making relationships on the job run more smoothly.
LITTLE TRICK
#36
Schedule for Success
If the weather looks bad and it’s possible,
change your event to a nicer day.
To increase
your chances of a successful outcome, go for the most pleasant day of the week.
If your event is slated for a drizzly, cold, dark day, reschedule if you can.
It can make a difference, seriously.
For
professional success, your web persona must be credible, consistent, and
exceptional. Make sure everything you post matches the face you want to show
the world.
LITTLE TRICK
#37
Stalk Yourself Online
The first thing most people do when they want
to find out more about an individual, whether for professional or personal
reasons, is jump online. Beat them to it! Set aside an hour or two to search
yourself online. Then fix anything you find that doesn’t present the image you
want.
LITTLE TRICK
#38
Scrutinize Your Settings
This may be obvious to you (I hope it is), but
I mention it here because you’d be surprised by how many employees forget to
adjust their privacy settings and then wonder why they didn’t get the promotion
or new job. Make sure everything you want to keep private is only available to
those you want to see it, and not just anyone with an Internet connection.
LITTLE TRICK
#39
Fight Fidgeting
When the discussion really counts, ignore your
itching nose, prickling foot, tingling ear, or sweating neck. Above all, keep
your hands away from your face; it could look like you’re “hiding” a lie. Make
sure your voice is smooth and speaks at the same speed throughout, especially
when the conversation turns troublesome. When answering important questions,
keep good, but not exaggerated, eye contact. Feeling your body itch, prickle,
tingle, or sweat is a heck of a lot less unpleasant then being suspected of
lying.
LITTLE TRICK
#40
Give a Heads-Up on What Hurts
Of course you don’t want to sound like a
kvetch, but if you have any physical discomfort that causes you to make nervous
gestures, casually mention it before or right after the first episode.
Appearing trustworthy is a top priority for you at work, and you must never
give anyone the slightest suspicion that you’re lying.
Visualization is not just for top-level
competitive athletes. It’s for anyone who wants to achieve their goals and
convince others of something. Don’t just rehearse your story; visualize it.
LITTLE TRICK
#41
“See” Your Story
Relive what you must tell others step-by-step
in your mind’s eye. Employ all your senses to experience the truth as you must
tell it. See the colors; hear the sounds; feel the temperature. Then replay the
mental “video” over and over in your mind to bring it to life.
LITTLE TRICK
#42
The Deferred Excuse
When late to a meeting, make a poised entrance
accompanied by a simple “Excuse me,” and that’s it—for now. Later, ask a
question, saying you may have missed that part because you were late, and
invite anyone to ask you about it later.
LITTLE TRICK
#43
The Extraordinary Verbatim Confession
1. Tell your boss you’re glad that she brought
it up and that she is absolutely right.
2. Confess, using your boss’s words verbatim.
If she said you “stole” something, don’t just confess to “taking it.” If she
said you “forgot,” don’t just confess to “not remembering.” No mincing words.
3. Acknowledge that you understand the problem
it’s caused and apologize.
4. Assure her it will never happen again.
5. Only at this point should you ask if she’d
like to hear your reasoning.
6. If she does, explain your reason
nondefensively.
Finally,
thank her for the opportunity to share it.
LITTLE TRICK
#44
Present with Passion—Your Style
The next time you’re enthusiastically talking
with friends, have an out-of-body experience and watch yourself. Notice your
gestures. Listen to the excitement in your voice. Then, when talking to your
corporate audience about your topic, copy the same zeal and expansive gestures.
That’s the real you presenting at your best.
The best way to get good at presenting is to
give lots of talks to anyone who will listen.
Whether it’s
a formal presentation, a meeting, or just a one-on-one conversation, two of the
most important ingredients are passion and the power of stories.
LITTLE TRICK
#45
Sell with Stories
When trying to bring bosses and colleagues
around to your way of thinking, consider more than just the facts. Stories
sell. You may not always be able to think of one, but choose an approach that
allows you to express emotion. Make your points with excitement and gestures.
Whether it’s in front of hundreds or just a few, stories engross and passion
sells.
LITTLE TRICK
#46
Flawed Grammar Will Getcha Every Time
Watch out! Grammar snobs can catch you anywhere,
anytime, whether in writing or speaking, and keep you from reaching the heights
you deserve. “What’s this got to do with my job?” you might well ask. “I’m not
working for an upper-crust company. If I spoke differently, it would sound
snobby.” And yes, it might. However just a heads-up: watch your words at work,
because a few incorrect ones can knock you off the promotion track and leave
you wondering why.
Nobody’s
going to say, “I’m not promoting you because of the way you speak.” But it
happens, a lot. Probably more often than you think.
LITTLE TRICK
#47
“Like,” Forget It!
Do a mental
“search and replace” every time you’re tempted to say “like.” Then substitute a
split second of silence. (Parents and grandparents, if the kids say “like”
incessantly, give them a gentle “I’ll wash your mouth out with soap the next
time I hear it” threat. Get them out of the habit now in case the banal
buzzword is still around when they enter the workforce.)
LITTLE TRICK
#48
“No Problem” Is a Problem
OK, dear younger readers, thanks for letting
me vent. I know you mean well and are sincerely trying to be polite. Take heart
from this: before long, all of us born before 1975 will be dead, and you can
say “no problem” to each other for the rest of your lives. In the meantime,
when we thank you for something, please substitute, “You’re welcome.” (And if
you really want to impress us, say, “It’s my pleasure.”)
LITTLE TRICK
#49
Search for Solutions Before Reporting Problems
Even if you don’t find a resolution to a
problem at work, searching for one, instead of whining with the rest, increases
everyone’s respect for you. Problem solvers are promotion material, and if you
find a good solution, your boss’s boss and even the top dogs will hear about it
soon enough—the grapevine does the job for you.
Who wouldn’t
love an employee who tries to make things better?
LITTLE TRICK
#50
Your Showroom
Don’t go overboard, but by making this an
official “technique,” I hope to push you in that direction. A showroom is where
you show off your product, and your product is you. That’s the most important
thing you’re selling. Would you buy a car from a dealership that looked like a
traffic jam, or clothing from a shop that looked like a Goodwill drop-off? If
people visit you regularly, keep your workspace tidy, because some coworkers
will be just looking for excuses to bad-mouth you.
Here’
LITTLE TRICK
#51
Your Boss Has a Boss
And that boss may be worse than yours! I
learned the hard way that business can be a dog-eat-dog world. No doubt there’s
an even bigger boss gnawing at your boss’s heels and keeping him from being the
type of leader he wants to be. Practically all bosses have someone they report
to watching their every move, and so on up the totem pole. Keep this in mind
whenever dealing with your boss, and have a little compassion.
LITTLE TRICK
#52
Layers of Poop You Don’t See
Try to accept what the boss tells you to do
even if you don’t know why. Take comfort from the situation now, because when
you get to be boss, you’ll no longer be protected from smelling it. Worse,
you’ll have to wallow around in it up to your kneecaps or higher. You know what
people say, “Poop always rolls downhill.” And when the time is right, it will
be your turn to shield your employees from that repugnant substance.
LITTLE TRICK
#53
The One-Size-Fits-All “Critical Boss” Comeback
Look him or her right in the eyes and say
sympathetically, “I understand what you’re saying,” followed by your boss’s
name. Using his name will surprise him, and you merely stated the truth. You
didn’t look confused. You weren’t ruffled. You weren’t at a loss for words.
Your composure wasn’t shaken. You merely stated the facts and said you
understood.
Smart moms
and dads know sometimes it’s best just to ignore it. Bottom line: People are
only as big as what bothers them.
LITTLE TRICK #54
Ignore Big Baby’s Fit
Whether it’s your boss, colleague, or customer
who blows a fuse, pity the blustering babies and realize that they’re suffering
more than you. Not only that, but these brats will suffer a lot more later
because everyone loses respect for them. Stay silent during their hissy fits,
and you’ll come out on top every time.
The
important thing to realize is that very few things at work come totally out of
the blue. There are always early warning signs, but we often close our eyes to
them. That’s why it’s important to keep track of what transpires every day as
you’re going along. Grown-ups don’t call it “keeping a diary.” They call it
“documenting,” and it doesn’t need to be more than just a few sentences a day.
Daily
logging gives you invaluable insight and hindsight that you wouldn’t otherwise
have. Sometimes you might even discover that you’re the culprit. But then, at
least you won’t fly off the handle at innocent people. Just add it to your list
of “Lessons I’ve Learned” to help you the next time. Making a mistake once is
understandable.
You were
hired because you have the knowledge and skills that make you great at what you
do. Sure, follow your boss’s directions, but arm yourself with your “Work
Diary.”
LITTLE TRICK
#55
Keep a Daily
Work Diary
Memories fade and get distorted. Documents
don’t. Typing a few sentences a day lets you go back and get the story straight
for whatever happens at work. When your nose tells you something stinks,
document the heck out of it. E-mail a copy to yourself at your home address or
file it (password protected) away forever in the cloud. Whether it’s a
situation with your boss or a sticky wicket with a colleague, it all starts
somewhere.
Make daily
documenting a regular part of your workday.
LITTLE TRICK
#56
Manage Micromanagers with a Daily Report
Failure terrifies micromanagers. Otherwise,
they wouldn’t be constantly looking over your shoulder. Use your sleuthing
skills to uncover their biggest fear. Then ask if you can send a few sentences
at the end of each day listing what you’re working on. As always, first
highlight what you’ve determined is their number one anxiety.
LITTLE TRICK
#57
Swear HR to Secrecy Twice
When you share your problem with HR, get two
promises that the person you’re speaking with will keep what you said
completely private. Once before you reveal your information and then again at
the end of the session to confirm it. Unless your complaint is in one of the
serious categories we discussed, privacy is your right. Protect yourself at all
costs.
LITTLE TRICK
#58
When Livid,
Let Your Body Lie
It’s easier to control your body than your
brain. So when you’re annoyed with a colleague, customer, report, or boss,
first force your body to loosen up. This tricks your mind into making your
anger dissipate. Sure, you can slam your fist into the pillow that night to let
off steam, but use this technique to keep your anger out of the office. No
matter what, you must always look like you’re completely in charge.
LITTLE TRICK
#59
Rise Above the Fault Line
At all costs, avoid the childish words, “It
wasn’t my fault.” The beauty of saying “I can see how it might look that way”
relieves the boss of feeling guilty of making an unjust accusation. In fact,
she may feel a bit sheepish about the whole thing. Either way, you sound like a
true professional.
LITTLE TRICK
#60
Suggest
Solutions With the Problem
Never report a bad situation without
solutions. No matter how deep a ditch you’ve dug, there’s always a resolution.
Maybe you don’t have the best one, but showing you gave it a lot of thought
wins you respect. In fact, come up with several solutions, so if the first one
isn’t accepted, you have alternatives. That’s what consummate communicators who
eventually become bosses do. They take responsibility and think of solutions.
In a study
called “It Pays to Have an Eye for Emotions: Emotion Recognition Ability
Indirectly Predicts Annual Income,” researchers found a strong link between
annual income and the ability to pick up on people’s moods. That means people
who fully have mastered the next technique are likely to earn more money!
LITTLE TRICK #61
Take a Mental Snapshot
Before asking for a coworker’s attention, stop
and take a psychic photograph of his face and body. Does he look busy or
laid-back? Frantic or fed up? Does she seem to have a “Do Not Disturb” sign
hanging around her neck or a welcome mat at her feet? Then approach—or don’t.
LITTLE TRICK
#62
Talk to the Abuser Before the Boss
If you go to your boss about a tormentor who’s
driving you bonkers, I practically guarantee the first question you’ll be asked
is, “Have you talked to him about it?” If your answer is no, you look powerless
and not competent enough to handle the problem. Neither of those qualities puts
you in the running for a promotion. Talk to the transgressor first.
LITTLE TRICK
#63
The Script for Human Headaches
The key to handling colleagues who drive you
cuckoo is to let them know you “hesitate” to bring it up and you “feel awkward”
about doing so. Your words can be straight, but keep your body language warm.
After saying what and why it bothers you, insert something like, “Perhaps I’m
the only one it disturbs, and I apologize for that.” However, use that one with
caution because the culprit may say, “It doesn’t bother anybody else.”
LITTLE TRICK
#64
The Verbatim Shutter-Upper
If avoiding conversation with a complainer is
impossible, just repeat what he says as though clarifying that you got it
right. This will soon start to annoy the kvetch, and although he can’t accuse
you of being rude or ignoring him, it interrupts his rhythm, which takes all
the fun out of it. He won’t stay long.
LITTLE TRICK
#65
Write Their
Gripes
When you first start this technique, the
bellyacher will think you’re being supportive. But after a few moments, his
paranoia will set in and he’ll wonder what you’re going to do with your notes.
This will makes him nervous, and he’ll soon quit.
LITTLE TRICK
#66
Bore the
Bellyacher
No matter how many suggestions you offer,
dedicated disparagers will relish telling you why it won’t work. When you
respond with nothing more than a few monosyllabic words, troublesome types get bored
listening to themselves and soon walk away on their own.
These Gossiper’s Friend Today Is Gossiper’s
Victim Tomorrow
LITTLE TRICK
#67
Let’s Go Ask
’Em
The next time colleagues start to share a
tidbit with you, don’t bite and act like you want to hear more. Simply smile
and say something like, “Oh really? Let’s go ask him about it.” The stunned
gossiper will start stuttering, “B-B-But . . . ” Then you smile and
change the subject. The gossiper will get the point.
LITTLE TRICK
#68
Kill the Interrupter with Kindness
To make you look like a saint (and the
interrupter like a jerk), act like the interruption is not only OK, but that
you welcome it. The split second he cuts you off, stop speaking mid-sentence
and give the perpetrator an accepting expression. Then look down at your notes
or at your laptop. When he’s finished, look back up at him and say, “Oh, I’m
sorry. I was distracted for a minute.” (Of course, you were distracted. He
interrupted you!) Then continue with, “Please, I’m anxious to hear what you
have to say. What was it again?”
LITTLE TRICK
#69
Commend Before Countering
When you disagree with a colleague, first compliment
him with an acknowledgment that his point is “interesting,” “insightful,”
“thoughtful,” or any other praiseworthy adjective. Then pause long enough for
him to relish the tribute, and only then express your contrary view. He may not
even realize that you’ve just gainsaid him!
LITTLE TRICK
#70
Tell It Like They’ll Take It
You’ve always heard, “Tell it like it is.” Of course
that’s good advice when it comes to the truth. But here’s an emotional lens you
should superimpose before making a point. Always ask yourself, “How are they
going to receive this news? Will it affect them personally? What complications,
confusions, or implications could come to their minds?” Everything that happens
at work affects everyone differently, so hear your words through their ears and
deliver your message accordingly.
LITTLE TRICK
#71
Never Bitch About Your Boss—Ever
I know, that’s like telling you not to
breathe, right?
But beefing
about the boss is a big no-no. Instead, go home, punch the pillow, kick your
cat (no, please don’t do that!), breathe deeply, and take a long walk. But
never complain about your boss to a colleague, or even to anyone who knows
someone at your company. In fact, I suggest not even griping to any of your
personal friends about your boss because it demeans you and makes you sound
like you’re not in control of your own professional life.
LITTLE TRICK
#72
Be a People Whisperer
“There’s nothing magic about it. It’s just
knowing their animal instincts and understanding why coworkers react the way
they do. You watch how they relate to each other in a herd, and you must catch
the signals early if you want to ward off problems.
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